I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
