3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
