Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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