Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
