the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
