if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
