Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
