I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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