How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
