i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
