dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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