Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
