Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
