I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
