My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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