Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize