i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
