i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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