Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
