no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
