so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
