just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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