a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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