I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
