Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
