What a fucking waste of an outfit
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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