do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
