i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize