I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You pole danced in your parka.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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