You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
