She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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