Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
