k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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