I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
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