U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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