don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize