I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I don't deserve a penis
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
