My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
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