I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
