i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
