I accidentally had phone sex last night
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
