so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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