Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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