You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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