The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
