it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
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