Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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