Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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