and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
