Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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